Youth

I'm nearly 21.

The 'me' deep within wonders how on earth I got to this point.

I mean, to some extent I still feel like that 4 year old, wandering down the school property, running my hands along the concrete walls, stopping to twirl around in my little floral dress. That little girl inside me stops in surprise each time she see's her grown up self in the mirror.

As a little child I was pretty lost in my own little world half the time, but I remember still just sitting there, watching the big kids walk by. It blows my mind that now I'M the big kid, a scary old looking person.

But at the same time I know that my journey is only just beginning, I'm only old in the eyes of a four year old. In the eyes of my 96 year old aunt, I'm just a baby, only just starting to take my first steps into grown up life.

In some sense, both perspectives are right. I am both fully grown and still a child. To be honest, I like it that way. I'd rather maintain the ability to think like a child, to keep my youthfulness, but also to be seen as an adult.

I'll be finishing my university degree by the end of the year, I'll walk down Swanston Street in my cap and gown with lots of others who are in my same stage of life. On the one hand, we are achieving so much, finishing a life stage. On the other, we are still so young, just starting out, some of us (me) haven't even had a real job yet.

One of my favourite sermons looked into how to have a childlike faith (not a childISH faith). There were 5 points that Bill (the sermon giver) brought up. A childlike faith needs:

1. Dangerous Wonder
2. Risky Curiosity
3. Happy Terror
4. Playfullness and Joy
5. Open Emotions

I have those written up on my wall to remind me of them. I think they are useful in everyday life as well. Being open to the idea of asking questions, finding out more about life, of being allowed to be amazed by something. To chase after things that might seem scary at first, but end up being incredibly rewarding (like a child begging to be chased in a game, it scares them silly when the grown up comes after them, but it is a good kind of terror). To approach things with an attitude of playfullness, not being so cynical. Open emotions speaks for itself. Why should you bottle everything up and hide it? When a child wants to laugh, they laugh, when they want to cry, they go right ahead and cry. I think you can be a mature and well grounded grown up, but still have a child's outlook on life. That is what I aim for.

So as I turn 21, and step out into these grown up shoes, the four year old inside me will continue to make her presence felt, staring at the world with wide eyes. I'm hoping her influence will be a good one, and she and the grown up me will be able to live in harmony.

Curious